So…I am a HUGE dog lover! Mostly because I refuse to be the crazy single cat lady that has 5 cats and treats them like children. Nothing against those that love cats and may have 5 of them, however, let’s face it, there is a stigma there! Anyhoo…one fine morning about 530 AM, I was out walking my fat Chihuahua (He does not have fat rolls, he has muscle rolls), when I ran into this very tall, blue eyed handsome gentleman who was walking his dog as well. Immediately a conversation ensued about dogs and that they are just like kids, etc. I of course was NOT looking my best. My hair was in a mess of a bun, my make up was running down my face because I was lazy and didn’t want to wash it before I went to bed, I had no bra on and I am pretty sure it was “COLD” outside!
Being in that state of unkeptness, he didn’t seem to mind and still took a liking to me. Over the course of a few weeks, we started walking our dogs around the same time and just “happened” to run into each other. Finally, he asked for my number and I figured it was a safe because I knew where he worked, lived, drove and the breed of dog (all important info to know). After a few calls, text messages and dog walks later, we eventually get to the dinner step. Now granted, he did say that he had a busy schedule and that with his job it was hard to find free time, but he always seemed to have time for his dog, which by the way was extremely old. The day of the scheduled dinner date, it didn’t quite turn out like most of us women envision it going. He called and said that he was running late and had a craving for Chinese and how about I go pick some up and we can eat at my place? I should have known…..
I ordered, picked up and paid for the Chinese food. When he finally came over, he was still in his work clothes, sweaty and brought his dog. Awesome! I had no idea that this was going to be a family affair. We settled in on the couch, ate and chatted back and forth…..to my dismay, something was not smelling oh so pleasant. Was it my food? Sniff, Sniff….No. Was it me? Arms up. Sniff, Sniff….No. Did my dog just crop dust us? Sniff, Sniff….No. What in the hell is it? Please don’t let it be him!! Big whiff…..No.
To my amazement, he did not smell anything. Seriously? You can’t smell that. Weird! After dinner, he left and we said goodbye and he proceeded to carry his dog downstairs. Did I mention the dog was old? After I locked up and cleaned up, I smelled it again. Alright, this is pissing me off! What is that? I walked around and as soon as I gagged, I knew that I found the smell. It was where his dog was laying on the floor. His smell had seeped into my newly cleaned carpets. There wasn’t enough Febreeze, Lysol, Glade, carpet cleaner, Arm and Hammer or acid to take that stench away. How can he not smell that coming from his dog? And how did he live with that? What did his place look and smell like? Gross!
A few days later, we texted a few more times but I re-structured my dog routine so I didn’t see him out there. He finally just asked and said “So, should I continue to pursue or drop it?” I said very nicely to “just drop it and thought that he was nice and all but Dude, your dog smells!” A month later he moved into the same building….creepy! Then whenever I walked my dog, he would watch me from his porch….stalker! A year goes by and I see him at a hotel in ANOTHER STATE! I had my back turned and I smell something….a familiar smell. I turn around and he says, “I thought I recognized you from behind….” Psycho!
With Love and Pleasant Body Odor,
Sheri
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