One day a long long time ago, I walked in to a salon with bleach blonde hair that I was trying to grow out from the shortest my hair had ever been. (growing out a mullett sucks!) I happened upon this petit little lady who took one look at me and went "oh lord, what did you DO??". She immediately set to putting my hair to rights and had me looking presentable in just a few months.
Lilli and I hit it off from the first time and now we've seen each other through 11 years of life and have remained friends. She, being happily married with 3 awesome kids, loves to hear about my dating life and would love nothing more than for me to be in the same shoes as she is. So of course, she has taken it upon herself to set me up.
Once was her brother in law, who was a very nice man, but so fresh out of a painful marriage and divorce that the ink was scarcely dry and his house was still lacking all the furniture that the ex had so nicely absconded with.
The second time she set me up it was truly a blind date (my first one ever). It was another client of hers who she really liked, he was fun and funny to talk to, had a good job and was good looking to boot. After much coercion she convinced me to meet him (and I assume convinced him to meet me) for dinner one night.
He picked the restaurant (Aloha Steakhouse, good choice) and we wandered in the restaurant not having any clue what each other looked like. Surprisingly enough Lilli was right, he WAS good looking. And he was very fun to listen to.
That's right....Listen. Because he didn't shut the eff up for more than 5 minutes at an hour and a half dinner. You know how that goes right? He says something, you try and answer or interject and off he goes on a tangent leaving you with a sentence half finished and your brain going..."huh?". So eventually I tuned him out, ordered another glass of wine and just intermittently nodded, grunted or made "mmm hmm" sounds without really listening to what he was gabbing about. I figured if I had to listen to him I might as well get a buzz going, right?
Untill I heard to word "Bigfoot". Multiple times. Something about camping, hiking, sliding down a hill chasing the Sasquach, there were footprints, he made a mold even! But alas, he did not catch the creature as he was always just a few seconds too late.
Wait a second, hold the phone. Seriously? My mouth dropped open guppy-like and I could tell he was getting excited and thought that I was really enjoying hearing about he and his Dad hunting for Bigfoot. Not just once, like they do this all the time. So I engaged him as much as I could, asking questions where he'd let me in just to see how serious he was about this passion of his. As it turns out, really serious.
Mr. Bigfoot continued on his rant for a good 30 minutes and all I could think about was GAWD!!! What are the people next to me thinking???? And what would date #2 be like??? Loch Ness Monster??? Chupacabra???
At a certain point I went to the bathroom and thought about using the old have a friend call me to get me out of this mess trick. But instead I called Lilli and laughed so hard in the ladies room stall that I cried off my makeup and then informed her that she was no longer allowed to set me up on blind dates.
Here's to not believing in monsters, cheers!
Jen
No comments:
Post a Comment