I am totally blaming my sister on this one. Sorry sis! But she is the one that started my whole internet dating debacle! She really had no idea what I was about to get into….Bless Her Heart! (That’s what we say down here in the south). VERY soon after my divorce, she signed me up for my first internet dating website without my knowledge, but I love her for it! Now, this was so new to me, I wasn’t sure what to expect, who to expect and what I was to do about it. I mean, it’s like on-line shopping for MEN! Genius! Whoever thought of this was my hero. I don’t have to go anywhere at all. I can just sit in my living room with my comfy Scooby Doo pajamas, no make-up, no deodorant and maybe not even have brushed my teeth yet! So, there I am…..coffee in hand, mouse in the other, a fat Chihuahua on my lap and Man Shopping I will go! I was so excited, ecstatic and a bit nervous to be quite honest with you, but I figure this was by far the “safest” way to find your next future mate. After browsing the site, you know, looking at various images, reading profiles, thinking out loud things that I knew were not appropriate….like “Ohhh….What are you thinking with that hair?” “Ummm….shave much?” “OMG….you have got to be kidding, that is a terrible picture.” And my very favorite….”What’s up with the picture of your cat as a default photo…please don’t let his name be Sylvester.” Again, I must mention that I was new to this whole idea so I really wasn’t sure what to do when I found someone that I was interested in. I was still trying to figure out how to navigate the site let alone how to contact someone. I mean, do I add them to my cart? Upon checkout do I have a return policy?
Enter Gavin. Gavin was my first internet date. His name was awesome and by all accounts in his pictures he looked H-O-T! Seriously, I was totally taken back at the picture. So, after reading his profile I immediately sent the “ice breaker.” Emails were exchanged and laughs were shared. He is such a nice guy! Now it was time to meet in person. Well, I am certainly not going to have him pick me up, for all I know he could be a psycho! So we meet in a public location where I feel safe and he won’t know which direction I am coming from. My “street smarts” kicked in. I walked in to the local coffee shop and all I remember was that I was so nervous! This guy is HOT, funny and this is going to be so much fun! Our eyes meet….Oh boy, I didn’t have a back-up, call me or text me to get out of this date plan. Crap! I put on that gritted teeth smile and was rapidly thinking that this is going to be a long night. Should I fake some digestive issues, should I start fake yawning to show how I tired I was, should I just go to the magazine display and give myself a paper cut with a magazine on my wrists??!! Gavin was about 4’ 11”, (I am 5’5” and will at ALL times be in 4” heels!), missing various teeth, had dirty clothes on and his finger nails were so full of dirt that I am pretty sure I could have made a mud pie with all that was under them. He also told me that he drove a big truck with big tires and that it was bright PURPLE! I saw it out in the parking lot when I had parked and thought about the poor soul’s wife, girlfriend or significant other that had to be the passenger in that thing.
He was a big fat liar! Liar Liar with your dirty clothes on fire!
With all my inner strength I wanted to scream at him that his picture nor his personality matched what he was or did in person. But, being the classy lady that I am, I subdued my “Ewwwwness” and rolled with the punches. I mean, he may very well be a nice guy and I have to give him a chance….right? All is fair in internet dating! No chance of that happening.
When I got home, I went back to that internet site that I found him on and looked for the “Hell to the NO” cart!
With Love and Clean Clothes,
Sheri
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