Oversharing

When Internet dating there are a few steps that you generally take before getting to the actual talking to him/her portion of the "relationship.

After looking through a site and "man shopping" as my friend and co-writer Sheri so brilliantly put it, there is most often the first communication (wink/nudge/poke) via the web site that you are subscribed to, then the follow up email with a "Hi, how are you?". You check him out, if he is acceptable and interesting the inevitable response follows with the whole getting to know you game....back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. Until finally someone decides they have enough balls and enough interest to ask for a phone number or suggest a "meet".

From this point you can go in quickly and meet each other at your local coffee shop, bar or restaurant or you can drag it out with phone conversations or texts while continuing to "get to know each other" until the "should we meet?" is brought up eventually.

This is what I would consider the "safe" method of Internet dating. Comfortable, ya know? Ease in slowly.....Because really? This whole meeting someone online blindly is no more comfortable than my annual OBGYN exams or maybe even as comfortable as digging out an ingrown toenail. You know it has to be done, but it is NOT a day in the park.

One evening not long ago I had enough wine in my tummy that while I was on my patio on my computer, going through the offerings on a man shopping web site, I received an IM (instant message) from a guy who happened to be online, liked my profile and wanted to chat. Wow! It was like jumping in to the lake head first off that ledge...no prep, no easing in, no "getting to know you". It was kind of fun...like insta flirt.

It kind of reminded me a little of meeting a guy in a bar. Remember when we used to do that?

For anonymity's sake, we'll call him PicRich, or PR for short.

Shortly after a few back and forths, I asked PR to send me a better picture of him as the ones online were a little fuzzy and distorted. He said he was new to the site and hadn't put up many pictures yet. You could see that he had potential but I wanted to make sure he had all 10 fingers, both legs and wasn't pushing 300 pounds. I was thinking maybe he could email me the picture and check him out. But no, he asked for my phone number so he could just text it to me.

The little angel on my right shoulder shuddered and thought "Oh no, this is too soon!", but the little devil on my left shoulder swigging wine from the bottle figured "What the f**k, why not????". So I IM'd him my number and waited patiently for a clear picture of this guy.

I got a picture of him just a few minutes later. It was crystal clear and very obviously taken with his cell phone.

Unfortunately it wasn't all of him, he kind of cut off every piece of his body except for his very hard, very close up, very nice sized dick.

Yes my friends....PR sent me a photo of his dick.  His dong, his wiener, his schlong, his johnson, his pecker....whatever you want to call it. There it was, big as an IPhone screen can make it, searing the image in to my brain. I can still see it months later.

I want you to imagine me, sitting there with a glass of wine in one hand, IPhone in the other, mouth open because I didn't know what to say or do with this picture. Should I respond? Compliment him on the very obvious girth and length? Play the coquette and pretend to be embarrassed? Send it to my friends and brag?? Post it on Facebook???

Fortunately fate intervened in the form of a call from a friend in need (a real one, I swear) and I was forced to put the penis picture aside and settle in for a night of wine and friend therapy. I did, of course, show the picture to her....I knew it would cheer her up a little. :)

Just for shits and giggles, tell me what you would have done....

Much love from an over informed girl,

Jeni