Mr. Focus

Okay...may I just say that as a woman, this type of guy is by far the most emotionally draining type of man out there? I mean it's like you wake up one day and you ask yourself, "What the hell am I doing?" But you see...it is just that type of man that makes us ask these questions of ourselves and yet we find that we continue to go back and find excuses for the behavior that he is demonstrating. It is these excuses that I got tired of making and convincing myself were rational. It is these same excuses that I used to get back at him. Do we as women do this same thing? Sure, but not all. As with everything, we can't categorize everyone and everything into a single category simply because we had one bad experience.

I met "Bob" oddly enough when I was on another date. If I did that, then you can imagine how splendidly the date I was on may have been going. The date was one of those stories that I previously wrote about where he had mentioned those two words I really didn't care to hear..."my wife." I figured at this point, there was no going forward with this guy so, as far as I was concerned, I wasn't with anyone. (May I just say that only an idiot would take another girl out on a date while STILL MARRIED). So, on this bad date, we went bowling. Which by the way, I am a natural at! Once we arrived at our assigned lane, I can't really describe what happened any other way than with angels singing and all the lights dimming except on the two of us. It was one of those moments that you hear about but don't think would ever happen to YOU. I immediately looked at him and thought that this was going to end badly. I am technically on a date with someone and yet I am speechless over this guy who is bowling with his whole family. Names entered, balls picked and shoes on. Let's see how this plays out. In the beginning it was small talk and laughing, talking about common interests. At one point, my date left to get a beer and was gone for 30 minutes! Well, I took advantage of the opportunity and chatted Bob up. Talking non-stop. All of a sudden, we ended up going up to bowl at the same time, every time. Then I could tell he was digging for info. Questions like "So, where are you guys from?", "What do you guys do for fun around here?" So, I knew that he was fishing for the relationship status of the date that I was on. I had to be sure to put a stop to that. "Oh, we are NOT together." Had to make that perfectly clear. The end of the evening grew closer and I was not sure how this was going to end. I knew there was something there, but what exactly?

I had to use the ladies room before I left and as I was walking in, Bob was walking out. He stopped me and said, "Listen, I am not sure when or where, but we are going to hang out." Really now? You are that confident? "Yes. So go ahead and give me your number and I will call you to set something up." I totally caved. I was trying to be the sly, coy girl playing hard to get, but since I don't do well with games, I didn't see the need to be that way. Numbers were exchanged and texting begins.

I did so you all know be sure to let my bad date know that this wasn't going to go anywhere and while I did appreciate the honesty with his still married status, was a bit pissed off that he led me on to believe otherwise.

Bob and I went on a few dates and had a great time! Had a lot in common and got along pretty well. At one point I was beginning to wonder what we were doing exactly. I mean what do you classify this thing we are doing? Neither of us were seeing anyone else, so we were dating only each other. One night, we had the "talk". He brought up that he was thinking the same thing. So, after discussing, we concluded that we should make it "official", whatever that meant. I was still a bit unclear on it, but I figured we would figure it out as we went. This all took place on a Saturday night.

Tuesday morning, a few texts and calls were exchanged and then all of a sudden, nothing. No returning of calls, no texts, absolutely zero, zilch, nada, niet, nothing. Did he fall off the face of the earth or what? It's like Bob never even existed. Finally after a few days. He texted and apologized for his absence. He is dealing with a lot of things right now. A sick dad, being a single parent at the moment and school. So, he was trying to figure some things out. Okay, cool. I got you. How about you figure out what you want and get back to me? You obviously have a lot on your plate and I understand that. I certainly don't want to be a burden if you have that much going on. I am if anything patient and understanding. Probably the most understanding person you will meet. But, what I didn't quite get was how all of a sudden he was so focused on all these things. If it wasn't an issue before, how is it an issue now? He was most appreciative and thanked me for bearing with him while he figured some stuff out. Weeks passed and nothing again. Not even a little hello, how are things? Nothing again. So, I figured at this point I was being played so I immediately sent a little email to him explaining that I will outplay him if necessary and that I would appreciate adult like behavior and let me know what's going on. I received a text within a matter of 3 minutes. Amazing! He lives! So Bob explained in a text no less, that he just can't focus on me and give me all the attention that I needed. He has to focus on these other things going on in his life, but we will definitely stay in touch! How touching of him. He didn't have the balls to make a call and tell me that nor did he have the balls to say it to my face and he certainly didn't have them to be honest about it. I looked between my legs and yep, mine were still bigger and I didn't even have any.

As far as I was concerned, Bob was but a distant memory of what I didn't want in someone. Weeks pass and for whatever reason, I made the mistake of texting him! Why? I have no clue, other than that I am a woman and that seems to be a good enough reason for me. He responded and we begin to communicate again. At 231 AM he called me. Yes at 231 AM! He wanted to talk and he needed to see me. Really? Wow! Ummm....at 231 AM? Yes. Rigggggggght, sure you do. But because I am using the woman excuse I agreed. I did honestly want to know what happened and question why it happened. So, he arrives and we do talk for hours! Seriously, I was amazed and somewhat overwhelmed with what seemed to be honest and heart warming confessions on his part. Shit....I just vomited in my mouth typing that. Ewwww.

Again after this warm conversation, he left and we were again going to make this work. Somehow we would figure this out. See below for a portion of the email that I sent him and you can figure out what happened from there:

"...well, it seems that we are back in the same spot as we were before. When you came over the other night I was foolish enough to believe what you said. But I guess it would be even more foolish to believe in nothing. I am not sure what happened or where it went wrong and honestly it doesn't matter anymore. But it seems all was fine and then as in true form, nothing. No phone calls, no texts, nothing. No hey how's it going, not even a fuck off. At least with that, I would have gotten some response. I would have at least respected you more if you were a little more honest with me and say you weren't interested or even confess to leading me on, that would have been good too. But, hey we all can't have the balls to face it. So with that I do wish you the best and I am sure that you are thinking you really didn't care or want to hear this, but you see Bob, want and need are two very different things and you needed to hear this."

Bottom line, he had to many things to focus on and I wasn't one of them. With that I flipped him off and said "Focus on this." So, ladies and gents if you are reading this, why is it so hard to not lead someone on? If you are not interested, don't behave in a manner indicating so. I am a pretty straight forward person and will go after what I want. Some find it intimidating and others appreciate it. But at least I am honest along the way. I will not give you the attention you seek if you are not willing to reciprocate it.

As with everything, it is an adventure and I embrace it with open arms. Who knows...he is out there and will appreciate what I have to offer, who I am, what I represent and most importantly love that I can be myself and not care what anyone else thinks. I am silly, funny love to laugh and believe that romance really isn't dead. It's just lost right now.

With love and plenty of focus,

Sheri

Jerkoffasaurusrex

I bet you are wondering what in the world a "jerkoffasaurusrex" is, aren't you? Well, I have 3 levels of "jerkdom" as I call it. There is Jerk, Jerkoffasaur and Jerkoffasaurusrex. Just like the Federal Government with their threat levels, Jerkdom levels are just as important in the dating threat levels. So you have an understanding of what each level represents, I will provide you with the following examples: Jerk - a guy who goes out with you, claims to have had a good time and doesn't call you for days because that's part of the game. Jerkoffasaur - a guy who you date for a few weeks, tells you that you should take the relationship to the next level, than decides that he has too much to focus on and can't be bothered with you. Jerkoffasaurusrex - an ex-boyfriend who wants you in his life, then out, then in, then out and has his then new girlfriend, then fiance, then girlfriend, then ex-fiance, ex-girlfriend call you to question your past relationship. So, as you can see, their are some clear lines in those 3 levels of jerkdom that define which threat level you are dealing with or in my case are no longer dealing with.

So, in my case, jerkoffasaurusrex did in fact take place in my life in the not so distant past. It was one of those moments that you can't believe is happening and are trying to rationalize how it got to this point. How in the world did I allow myself to get here, standing in my living room talking to this woman as she is claiming that he is standing there as she is questioning me? It was happening none the less and I had to just deal with it for the moment.

Let me provide you with some background so you have a better idea of why I hit rock bottom and found myself still hanging on to that bad 4 letter word called "hope". Hope lies in the idea of what we think we want from someone. Hope also lies in the idea of what we believe the other person wants. It is as it always will be hope that drives me to conquer this dating world to come out a winner and place my flag on top, maybe a little wounded, bruised and broken but still filled with pure unimaginable bliss. The ex bf was a relationship doomed from the start and I knew it, but ignored it because I thought maybe, just maybe this would be different than any others. Maybe I could be the "one". Maybe we could be "that" couple. Maybe all the bombs that were dropped on me were just little tests of my strength. Maybe....? There should never be a maybe when you are in a relationship with someone. It should always be a yes or no. Never maybe. And with him, it was always maybe. Maybe I will call you. Maybe we can see each other, maybe I love you, maybe I don't. Maybe I lied, maybe I didn't.

So, on that Thursday night while drinking my beer, listening to some good music and reminiscing about the hope that "maybe" this just might work, again for the 5th time, a number popped up on my cell. An unrecognizable number and as I answered and that voice asked if this was Sheri, I knew. I knew that this was rock bottom. No coming back from this. Not maybe....never. It was the next day that when I asked how in the hell she got my number that I was again shocked to learn that he gave her my number. He simply decided that it was okay to pass along my number to the woman who was now questioning me. Really? You think its okay? So, as you can see, it was behavior like that in which I had to deal with for the duration of the 10 month relationship, well a relationship when it was convenient for him.

Regardless of what I felt, my feelings have never been and will never be of concern for a person like that. They only have one concern and that is "What's in it for me?" I will tell you whats in it for you. You will have a life without me in it. That my friend is what you have to look forward to. A life where you will always question what if. There will never be a what if again. Ever.

So, by all accounts you would think that lessons are learned here and I will never allow myself to fall for that mess again, right? Well, remember this is the dating world and one never knows who is around the corner.

With love and a life filled with hope,

Sheri

One Headlight

First and foremost, let me preface this story with a disclaimer that I am in no way a shallow, snotty or egotistical person in ANY way. Nor am I a money grubbing woman looking for a sugar daddy (although how awesome would THAT be?!) Seriously, who wouldn't want a man throwing cash at you for the sole purpose of being their mate even if for a short time? You know as well as I do that we always joke about it and I have to wonder what I would do if propositioned as such....hmmmm. Now that I have gotten the disclaimer out of the way, onto the real reason it is titled "One Headlight".

As with most of the men that I date whether one date or multiple dates, I met this one on-line while doing a little man shopping one Sunday afternoon. Lately, that's all I had been doing was shopping for men, but at least it was much less expensive than a new pair of shoes or a great pair of jeans that make your ass look AMAZING! But I digress....lets call him "Neon". Now Neon and I did the usual chatting back and forth for a while and talked on the phone a few times before we agreed to meet for dinner. Meeting at a local restaurant where we both agreed was a mutual and safe meeting place (after all you can never be too careful or overly cautious), I was the last to arrive and that's exactly how I wanted it. Truth be told, the reason for that is in the event I walk in there and find myself in a pickle that I do not see ending positively, I have the advantage of being able to escape rather quickly. Not that I have had to do that, but I think its a must to plan for such an occurrence. Surprisingly though I was pleasantly surprised to have had really enjoyed myself, the company and conversation. He was my "type" whatever that "type" was at the moment. Once we parted ways, a second date was definitely in order. Good sign and no red flags!

Second date started with me having to make the arrangements for the time and location, I wasn't too thrilled about that, but whatever. At least take the time to put a little effort into it. Oh and I drove....even better. But prior to that whole me driving thing, he had to first get to my apartment and go from there. First of all, he was 2 hours late....2 HOURS LATE! Seriously? Yes....2 whole hours, 160 minutes, 7200 seconds late. It was supposed to start at 6, but 6 turned into 8. As I was talking to him on the phone and giving him the directions and "guiding" him into my apartment complex, we were talking back and forth about the area and he said "I think I am close to your place, I just passed the mailbox". Hmmm.....all I see at that moment is a car with what looks like one headlight out and its making a squeaking noise. "Great! I don't see you yet." "I just pulled into a parking spot." Oh.....okay....you are the vehicle with the one headlight, squeaky noise and the dry rotted car bra....okay. (Jeni, the co-writer also had a story of a car bra, see it happens everywhere!) Oh wow...unusual I thought for someone of such stature in the job they said they had. But hey, who am I too judge, right? So, as you can see, I had no problems driving to dinner.

While driving and making conversation, I noticed that he was extremely nervous, I mean bad! He claimed that he hadn't done this in awhile. He was so nervous that it made me uncomfortable. Bad sign...red flag. It was in this same conversation that I started asking about his job, what he did, etc. It was then that he revealed to me that what he said he was on the "profile" didn't quite match what he in actuality was. There is no way that his occupation could have topped the one guy I met who said he was a part time astronaut and foot model. Yep..that happened. Now I don't care what your job is, other than a part time astronaut and foot model or if you even have a job, or that you are in between jobs. Whatever...the point of that matter was that he led me to believe something that he truly wasn't. Essentially, he was claiming to be a CEO and turns out he was really the copier. He tried to pad his portfolio with stuff that didn't matter. I swear, this whole leading me on thing to believe something is really starting to piss me off. Bad!

Since I was the one driving, I had the advantage to end the date early. I took "Neon" back to my place and we just simply parted ways. As I watched him drive away with one headlight and squeak every time he went over a speed bump with a dry rotted car bra flapping in the wind, I just shook my head and thought about my standards. Maybe my standards of honesty and being yourself and following through are way too high. Then again I am not sure how much more honest you can be with one headlight.

With love and high beams on,

Sheri

Tiny Man with a big...."heart!"

The below real life date is a contribution by my friend Jackie! I am not sure, but I am pretty positive that this guy sounds like he is pretty classy......if by classy you mean a jerkoffasauresrex, then yes! I will expand later on what a jerkoffasauresrex is exactly.

So here I am a young girl all of 20 years old, living in my very first apartment on Hollywood Blvd, working for a very prominent music production company. I was hob nobbing with some of the biggest names in music and hoping that I could win myself a single, good looking music producer with my charm and good looks. One of my co-workers who was coincidentally my roommate decided to play matchmaker and set me up with a guy who she assured me was my type. My type as in, “you have tattoos and so does he,” apparently. Completely assured by her description of him, tattoos, nice car, music producer, never married, totally sweet, I agree to meet him. The next day he calls me and says, “One of the bands I am working on is playing at the club on Sunset, do you want to meet me there?” Now, up until this point my dating experience was restricted to high school long term boyfriends so needless to say I had no experience in the dating world. I didn’t know that meeting a guy at a club while a rock band was playing would not be conducive to actually talking and getting to know this person. But, of course I agree. I pulled up to the club 5 minutes early and walked up to the door where a silver back gorilla was guarding the doorway, arms crossed, “You on the list?” Huh? What list? “That’s a no, cover is $25” I'm sorry what?? Now I guess I should mention I'm in my cutest date outfit which included a skirt and sky high heels and its fall in Los Angeles, which means its about 50 degrees outside. I have no money to pay this guy and I am freezing. So I call my blind date who assures me he is 2 minutes away. 30 embarrassingly long minutes later he rolls up in his Chrystler PT CRUISER!!! That’s strike 2 buddy! First you’re a half hour late, second that is NOT a nice car! Then he steps out of the car. Now, I'm not sure if you have seen a PT Cruiser up close but they aren’t tall cars, and when he gets out his head barely comes up past the top of it! He is TINY. Yes, he has tattoos, and I'm not sure if he is nice yet but he is MINIATURE compared to me in my sky high heels. As he got closer I could see his face in the light. Bulging eyes, crooked and yellowing teeth and slicked back hair to cover the bald spot. He looked to be about 45 even though I was assured he was 28! Awesome, an ugly 45 yr old who drives a purple PT Cruiser. YES PURPLE!!!

Turns out, he was on the list and we are allowed behind that ever so mysterious velvet rope into the dankest club I have ever been in in my entire life. There is a band on the stage with a lead singer that is screaming into the microphone, groupies lining every inch of the floor and absolutely no seating accept at the bar which is currently packed with drunkards from end to end. So awesome. As we walk through the crowd he grabs my hand so I don’t get lost in the craziness. A sweet gesture but EXTREMELY embarrassing as people look over and see a mother being drug through the crowd by what looks like her 8 year old. At this point I know I am done with this guy. As we walk past the bar I notice he is going for a door with another burly and intimidating bouncer in front of it. Sweet! At least I get some VIP room out of this whole circus. We sit down and I say to myself, “Be nice, have a drink, then claim sleepiness.” So we order our drinks and start chatting. As we are talking I realize that he is not, at all, looking into my eyes. He is looking straight into my chest. Being straight forward I point out the location of my eyes to which he replies,” I'm sorry but you have the sweetest rack I have seen in a while and I'm getting a huge boner.” which he points out by tracing the shape of it on his leg. I swear to you it looked like he had stuffed eight gym socks in there! Sliding away from him and shouting “Oh My God!" he then proceeds to tell me how "real" what he just showed me was. STRIKES 3, 4, 5 and 6!!! I immediately ran as fast as I could out of that club. One, I don’t care how “real" it is and two, I have already been eye raped by you enough for one night, tiny little man!

Needless to say, I cried myself to sleep that night.

Thanks Jackie for your story! I am sad that you had to experience this yet so very happy that you did so we could hear about it!

With Love,

Sheri

Good Luck Chuck

Have you honestly ever known a woman to have met the man of her dreams or the possibility of finding the man of her dreams at a bar/club thingy? I can honestly say that I haven't. Now that's not to say that it isn't a possibility and I am sure there a number of justifiable cases out there that will no doubt prove me wrong in that assumption, HOWEVER, I am going off of my own stats here and will admit that every man that I have met at a club/bar thingy has been a real D-Bag. I honestly don't know why I even remotely think that I will find a man of the quality in which I desire there. Especially when its 1245 in the morning and all the ladies in attendance are usually a little more than tipsy, barely dressed and are hovering on a man whom they are hoping is the man of their dreams. Face it....we all think it. We all deep down hope that tonight could potentially be the night that we find the "one". Regardless of where we are or are going. Because lets face it, this is the best place and scene to meet a man, right?

As I have this momentary lapse of judgement and agree to meet a friend at one of these bar/club thingys, I walk into it fully knowing that I am just here to have fun, dance a little, have a drink or 2 and that's it! (Secretly on the inside though, I am desperately hoping that the "one" will be there). So, as we are chatting as girls do in the corner of the place scoping it out for any potential prospects and making ourselves be fully open to anyone that could possibly be the "one", my friend scopes out a prospect for me. "Oh, there you go Sheri, he's just your type!" I look over and at first glance am thinking, nope, I don't think so. Before I can spit the words out of my mouth to back my claim that he isn't such my type. She is doing the come hither finger motion. He looks at her and points at his chest and mouths "Me?" She shakes her head. As he strolls up, she says, "Hi, this is my friend Sheri." And then she proceeds to walk away. Son of a biscuit! Now I am engrossed in a conversation with this guy that is about 6 inches shorter than me, has slicked back hair with enough gel in it to have sustained the Jersey kids for a complete season and is dressed like a gang member from my high school. Dickie shorts that look like pants because they go down to his ankle, white T-shirt and good 'ol Chuck Taylors .

Wow! Converse? Interesting choice of clothing I must say for a bar/club thingy. As the conversation continues, it is quite evident that he is absurdly drunk. Why wouldn't he be really? But insanely enough he was speaking intelligently and telling me all the great things about himself. The usual deal. He is in the military, he is in charge of people, essentially he was showing off his portfolio. The best of the best. Now I never put myself out there in these sort of environments because one can never be too careful, so I continued to listen to his stories. When the story ended, I began to ask random questions about his "portfolio". See the thing is, I love it when men assume that I have no idea what they are talking about. That I have no clue what goes on in their little world. Well, when I started asking questions, he was taken back a little bit because I had just beat him at his own game. (By the way, what's with the games anyway, are we still in 8th grade?) Game, set, match buddy. I win. I have seen and dealt with too many of your type to not have figured it out.

I thought that this was going to be the end of "Chuck". But turns out, the game wasn't quite over. Instead of me winning the game making it quite obvious that I was in no way interested and even telling him so, I guess he thought I still was. Chuck and his converse walked right up to me and plainly asked "So, are you taking me home tonight?" Hmmm....how can I put this tactfully? Screw it, there is no tactful way for this guy. No Chuck, I will not be taking you home tonight, nor will I be answering your calls or texts (I am still to this day not sure why I even gave this D-Bag my number), but what I will be doing is punching you in the face if you don't take a step back from me at this very moment. I have been more than patient with you and have told you on more than one occasion that I am not interested. But that doesn't seem to work for you. Chuck started pleading with me, yes pleading! Never has this happened before. EVER!

2AM and the place is shutting down. Time for me to head home and chalk this one up on my too good to have happened list. I couldn't believe it really. Chuck did text me all the way up until 430 AM. Then again the following couple of days. Chuck did finally understand that I have a little more class than that. While I appreciate his bluntness and forwardness which is hard to find these days, he just went about it the wrong way.

I do wish Chuck the best and who knows, maybe he will find the woman of his dreams in a bar/club thingy. But I do hope that he at least puts more grown up shoes on.

With love,

Sheri

My "wife"....

Two little words that no woman should hear on a date. Nope. No way. Hell to the no. I am not sure how or why, but I seem to get that quite a bit. It makes me wonder if I have a built in still married but want to date me magnet that I am not aware of on my forehead. I mean seriously...why would a man even remotely think that me let alone most women and I say most because I have known a few that are not opposed to it would even like that idea.

It usually starts with a conversation about something that has happened in the past, like a funny story or something of what not to do. Cool, right? You would think. At this point I am most likely at a dinner somewhere with this man, drinking or chomping on my salad, then all of a sudden as we are getting through the basic info like where we are from, what we do, how long we've been here, etc., a sentence starts with well my "wife". I'm sorry, did you just say your wife? Yes, we are still "technically" married right now but we are going through a divorce. I am totally telling you the truth when I say that he did air quotes when he said "technically". Son of a biscuit!! Seriously!? What does that mean technically speaking? Well, the papers are still being processed. So, once that's done then we have to wait a full month and then its final. May I ask...how long has this process been going on? Oh, about 6 months now. RED FLAG ALERT!!!!

Done and done! At that point, it was a lost cause. 6 months? Sounds to me like you are stalling it with the hopes that maybe a reconciliation is on the horizon. Granted, I understand the legal process and all the bull that one must go through to get a damn signature on that paper....I am a divorcee, remember? At that point, I just shut down, there was no need to go forward, no need to think about the possibility of a next date, no need to save the number in my cell, nothing. I will just finish this dinner and beat feet out of there with the hopes that he sees my smoke coming from my stilettos. As this particular date ends, I had to let him know that regardless of the situation, the idea of him still being "technically" married is so disrespectful to his soon to be "EX" wife that I can in no way go further in any type of relationship with him. Geeze....he did say that he understood and he respects my opinion. The end, right? Of course not! You didn't think it was that easy. I soon start to get text messages from him explaining and asking questions like if he wasn't still married, would he have a chance, etc. At that point, I could have either ignored him or for his sake told him that because he came into this situation still married regardless of the circumstance has set a tone that will not be able to overcome. I did in my nicest way possible share with him that because it was right thing to do. No other woman should have to be put into an awkward situation like that....it made me feel like the other woman. Gross! And after all, I was the other woman in my marriage for a number of years, so the idea of being that again was in no way a cool one. I would have much rather had a bikini wax from a woman named Helga who had a mustache.

My wife date 2! So this one was introduced to me by some close friends. He was by all means a pretty nice guy. I was really excited about this one...not that I am not excited about ALL of them, but you know what I mean. Coincidentally, I found out about his wife at the same restaurant and the SAME TABLE!! Talk about me not ever going to that restaurant again. I have banned it from any dates. So, again, same scene with the drink and salad...but this guy was at least up front and honest from the get go. He says to me, so I need to tell you something up front so you know because I don't want to be dishonest. Shit! In a matter of seconds, I had various thoughts running through my head of what it could be. A fugitive from justice, witness protection program, older than you told me, what??? What could it be?! I put my fork down as I needed to prepare myself for the truth.

Well, I am still married. And I wanted you to know up front. Okay.....so why again are you on a date with me then if you are still married? She has a lot of health problems and needs to be on my insurance so that's why. So, you are actually still supporting her in some way shape or form then? I guess you can look at that way. Ummmm....there is no guessing of that. You are dude! RED FLAG ALERT!!! In the most nicest and sweetest way possible and knowing who I am, I am the nicest and sweetest person around (which gets me in trouble I might add), I very kindly explained to him that regardless of why you still need to stay married, that I don't appreciate that concept of dating and still being married. I have too much respect for myself and any other woman who has no idea that her still married husband is on a date with me.

I raise my white flag...I am waving said flag! I am at a loss here. What does a woman have to do to meet a genuine honest man? I don't want a perfect one by any means. Those imperfections are perfect for me. I just want to meet one that isn't still "technically" married. Maybe that's a big request these days. Or maybe that's what we have become....a still married but looking society.

With love from a girl who's signature on that divorce paper is as dry as the Mojave Desert,

Sheri

I don't think a Kleenex would help this one.....

Hi all!

Below is a guest blog from my friend Heidi who told me this story while we were in the airport drinking a cocktail before a flight to Reno this last July. Heidi is married to an awesome guy, has 3 amazing kids and hasn't dated for a couple dozen years at this point. She told me that she actually couldn't talk about this event for over 20 years because she was so horrified. She's a damn good storyteller and by the time she got to the punch line I almost fell off my bar stool laughing...I hope you enjoy as well!

Jen

I was the fragile age of 17. Senior in high school and full of excitement and anxiety. There was a boy a year or so older than me that I really was infatuated with. I had given the message, through friends, that I was interested in him and patiently waited for him to ask me out. When weeks went by and no invitation I figured he needed to know me better and I was going to take matters into my own hands.

My friends parents were going out of town and we figured if we threw a party he was sure to be there. Party plans were under way and the excitement was building. I knew this was my big night! I had figured out exactly what to wear, lied to my parents (sorry mom) and was ready to meet my new man. A day before the party day I woke up with the cold of a lifetime. I could not breathe and my head was full of gallons of mucus...

There was no way I was missing the party and spending the evening with the object of my affection. I rested up and got ready for the evening with great anticipation. We set up the house for the party and we were underway! An hour or so into the party he arrives with a few equally studly friends. Soon myself, a girlfriend, he and another boy were all standing in a circle talking. Here was my BIG chance for him to get to know me! We visited and giggled for a bit and then I felt a sneeze coming on......I put my hands together in the mannerly triangle and Kerchew! It was a major sneeze. As I looked up to meekly utter a shy "excuse me" I felt something wet on my face. I quickly realized I had an eighteen inch snot rocket hanging from my nose! What do you do with that? Seriously, I had no Kleenex in hand and what do you do next?

I exited the area and ran to the bathroom to get rid of my temporary appendage. Needless to say, I never went back into the party area and quickly made my way home.

I was so relieved to meet the love of my life a few years later and realize that that boy was not really worth it after all....