Jerkoffasaurusrex

I bet you are wondering what in the world a "jerkoffasaurusrex" is, aren't you? Well, I have 3 levels of "jerkdom" as I call it. There is Jerk, Jerkoffasaur and Jerkoffasaurusrex. Just like the Federal Government with their threat levels, Jerkdom levels are just as important in the dating threat levels. So you have an understanding of what each level represents, I will provide you with the following examples: Jerk - a guy who goes out with you, claims to have had a good time and doesn't call you for days because that's part of the game. Jerkoffasaur - a guy who you date for a few weeks, tells you that you should take the relationship to the next level, than decides that he has too much to focus on and can't be bothered with you. Jerkoffasaurusrex - an ex-boyfriend who wants you in his life, then out, then in, then out and has his then new girlfriend, then fiance, then girlfriend, then ex-fiance, ex-girlfriend call you to question your past relationship. So, as you can see, their are some clear lines in those 3 levels of jerkdom that define which threat level you are dealing with or in my case are no longer dealing with.

So, in my case, jerkoffasaurusrex did in fact take place in my life in the not so distant past. It was one of those moments that you can't believe is happening and are trying to rationalize how it got to this point. How in the world did I allow myself to get here, standing in my living room talking to this woman as she is claiming that he is standing there as she is questioning me? It was happening none the less and I had to just deal with it for the moment.

Let me provide you with some background so you have a better idea of why I hit rock bottom and found myself still hanging on to that bad 4 letter word called "hope". Hope lies in the idea of what we think we want from someone. Hope also lies in the idea of what we believe the other person wants. It is as it always will be hope that drives me to conquer this dating world to come out a winner and place my flag on top, maybe a little wounded, bruised and broken but still filled with pure unimaginable bliss. The ex bf was a relationship doomed from the start and I knew it, but ignored it because I thought maybe, just maybe this would be different than any others. Maybe I could be the "one". Maybe we could be "that" couple. Maybe all the bombs that were dropped on me were just little tests of my strength. Maybe....? There should never be a maybe when you are in a relationship with someone. It should always be a yes or no. Never maybe. And with him, it was always maybe. Maybe I will call you. Maybe we can see each other, maybe I love you, maybe I don't. Maybe I lied, maybe I didn't.

So, on that Thursday night while drinking my beer, listening to some good music and reminiscing about the hope that "maybe" this just might work, again for the 5th time, a number popped up on my cell. An unrecognizable number and as I answered and that voice asked if this was Sheri, I knew. I knew that this was rock bottom. No coming back from this. Not maybe....never. It was the next day that when I asked how in the hell she got my number that I was again shocked to learn that he gave her my number. He simply decided that it was okay to pass along my number to the woman who was now questioning me. Really? You think its okay? So, as you can see, it was behavior like that in which I had to deal with for the duration of the 10 month relationship, well a relationship when it was convenient for him.

Regardless of what I felt, my feelings have never been and will never be of concern for a person like that. They only have one concern and that is "What's in it for me?" I will tell you whats in it for you. You will have a life without me in it. That my friend is what you have to look forward to. A life where you will always question what if. There will never be a what if again. Ever.

So, by all accounts you would think that lessons are learned here and I will never allow myself to fall for that mess again, right? Well, remember this is the dating world and one never knows who is around the corner.

With love and a life filled with hope,

Sheri