My "wife"....

Two little words that no woman should hear on a date. Nope. No way. Hell to the no. I am not sure how or why, but I seem to get that quite a bit. It makes me wonder if I have a built in still married but want to date me magnet that I am not aware of on my forehead. I mean seriously...why would a man even remotely think that me let alone most women and I say most because I have known a few that are not opposed to it would even like that idea.

It usually starts with a conversation about something that has happened in the past, like a funny story or something of what not to do. Cool, right? You would think. At this point I am most likely at a dinner somewhere with this man, drinking or chomping on my salad, then all of a sudden as we are getting through the basic info like where we are from, what we do, how long we've been here, etc., a sentence starts with well my "wife". I'm sorry, did you just say your wife? Yes, we are still "technically" married right now but we are going through a divorce. I am totally telling you the truth when I say that he did air quotes when he said "technically". Son of a biscuit!! Seriously!? What does that mean technically speaking? Well, the papers are still being processed. So, once that's done then we have to wait a full month and then its final. May I ask...how long has this process been going on? Oh, about 6 months now. RED FLAG ALERT!!!!

Done and done! At that point, it was a lost cause. 6 months? Sounds to me like you are stalling it with the hopes that maybe a reconciliation is on the horizon. Granted, I understand the legal process and all the bull that one must go through to get a damn signature on that paper....I am a divorcee, remember? At that point, I just shut down, there was no need to go forward, no need to think about the possibility of a next date, no need to save the number in my cell, nothing. I will just finish this dinner and beat feet out of there with the hopes that he sees my smoke coming from my stilettos. As this particular date ends, I had to let him know that regardless of the situation, the idea of him still being "technically" married is so disrespectful to his soon to be "EX" wife that I can in no way go further in any type of relationship with him. Geeze....he did say that he understood and he respects my opinion. The end, right? Of course not! You didn't think it was that easy. I soon start to get text messages from him explaining and asking questions like if he wasn't still married, would he have a chance, etc. At that point, I could have either ignored him or for his sake told him that because he came into this situation still married regardless of the circumstance has set a tone that will not be able to overcome. I did in my nicest way possible share with him that because it was right thing to do. No other woman should have to be put into an awkward situation like that....it made me feel like the other woman. Gross! And after all, I was the other woman in my marriage for a number of years, so the idea of being that again was in no way a cool one. I would have much rather had a bikini wax from a woman named Helga who had a mustache.

My wife date 2! So this one was introduced to me by some close friends. He was by all means a pretty nice guy. I was really excited about this one...not that I am not excited about ALL of them, but you know what I mean. Coincidentally, I found out about his wife at the same restaurant and the SAME TABLE!! Talk about me not ever going to that restaurant again. I have banned it from any dates. So, again, same scene with the drink and salad...but this guy was at least up front and honest from the get go. He says to me, so I need to tell you something up front so you know because I don't want to be dishonest. Shit! In a matter of seconds, I had various thoughts running through my head of what it could be. A fugitive from justice, witness protection program, older than you told me, what??? What could it be?! I put my fork down as I needed to prepare myself for the truth.

Well, I am still married. And I wanted you to know up front. Okay.....so why again are you on a date with me then if you are still married? She has a lot of health problems and needs to be on my insurance so that's why. So, you are actually still supporting her in some way shape or form then? I guess you can look at that way. Ummmm....there is no guessing of that. You are dude! RED FLAG ALERT!!! In the most nicest and sweetest way possible and knowing who I am, I am the nicest and sweetest person around (which gets me in trouble I might add), I very kindly explained to him that regardless of why you still need to stay married, that I don't appreciate that concept of dating and still being married. I have too much respect for myself and any other woman who has no idea that her still married husband is on a date with me.

I raise my white flag...I am waving said flag! I am at a loss here. What does a woman have to do to meet a genuine honest man? I don't want a perfect one by any means. Those imperfections are perfect for me. I just want to meet one that isn't still "technically" married. Maybe that's a big request these days. Or maybe that's what we have become....a still married but looking society.

With love from a girl who's signature on that divorce paper is as dry as the Mojave Desert,

Sheri