Okay...may I just say that as a woman, this type of guy is by far the most emotionally draining type of man out there? I mean it's like you wake up one day and you ask yourself, "What the hell am I doing?" But you see...it is just that type of man that makes us ask these questions of ourselves and yet we find that we continue to go back and find excuses for the behavior that he is demonstrating. It is these excuses that I got tired of making and convincing myself were rational. It is these same excuses that I used to get back at him. Do we as women do this same thing? Sure, but not all. As with everything, we can't categorize everyone and everything into a single category simply because we had one bad experience.
I met "Bob" oddly enough when I was on another date. If I did that, then you can imagine how splendidly the date I was on may have been going. The date was one of those stories that I previously wrote about where he had mentioned those two words I really didn't care to hear..."my wife." I figured at this point, there was no going forward with this guy so, as far as I was concerned, I wasn't with anyone. (May I just say that only an idiot would take another girl out on a date while STILL MARRIED). So, on this bad date, we went bowling. Which by the way, I am a natural at! Once we arrived at our assigned lane, I can't really describe what happened any other way than with angels singing and all the lights dimming except on the two of us. It was one of those moments that you hear about but don't think would ever happen to YOU. I immediately looked at him and thought that this was going to end badly. I am technically on a date with someone and yet I am speechless over this guy who is bowling with his whole family. Names entered, balls picked and shoes on. Let's see how this plays out. In the beginning it was small talk and laughing, talking about common interests. At one point, my date left to get a beer and was gone for 30 minutes! Well, I took advantage of the opportunity and chatted Bob up. Talking non-stop. All of a sudden, we ended up going up to bowl at the same time, every time. Then I could tell he was digging for info. Questions like "So, where are you guys from?", "What do you guys do for fun around here?" So, I knew that he was fishing for the relationship status of the date that I was on. I had to be sure to put a stop to that. "Oh, we are NOT together." Had to make that perfectly clear. The end of the evening grew closer and I was not sure how this was going to end. I knew there was something there, but what exactly?
I had to use the ladies room before I left and as I was walking in, Bob was walking out. He stopped me and said, "Listen, I am not sure when or where, but we are going to hang out." Really now? You are that confident? "Yes. So go ahead and give me your number and I will call you to set something up." I totally caved. I was trying to be the sly, coy girl playing hard to get, but since I don't do well with games, I didn't see the need to be that way. Numbers were exchanged and texting begins.
I did so you all know be sure to let my bad date know that this wasn't going to go anywhere and while I did appreciate the honesty with his still married status, was a bit pissed off that he led me on to believe otherwise.
Bob and I went on a few dates and had a great time! Had a lot in common and got along pretty well. At one point I was beginning to wonder what we were doing exactly. I mean what do you classify this thing we are doing? Neither of us were seeing anyone else, so we were dating only each other. One night, we had the "talk". He brought up that he was thinking the same thing. So, after discussing, we concluded that we should make it "official", whatever that meant. I was still a bit unclear on it, but I figured we would figure it out as we went. This all took place on a Saturday night.
Tuesday morning, a few texts and calls were exchanged and then all of a sudden, nothing. No returning of calls, no texts, absolutely zero, zilch, nada, niet, nothing. Did he fall off the face of the earth or what? It's like Bob never even existed. Finally after a few days. He texted and apologized for his absence. He is dealing with a lot of things right now. A sick dad, being a single parent at the moment and school. So, he was trying to figure some things out. Okay, cool. I got you. How about you figure out what you want and get back to me? You obviously have a lot on your plate and I understand that. I certainly don't want to be a burden if you have that much going on. I am if anything patient and understanding. Probably the most understanding person you will meet. But, what I didn't quite get was how all of a sudden he was so focused on all these things. If it wasn't an issue before, how is it an issue now? He was most appreciative and thanked me for bearing with him while he figured some stuff out. Weeks passed and nothing again. Not even a little hello, how are things? Nothing again. So, I figured at this point I was being played so I immediately sent a little email to him explaining that I will outplay him if necessary and that I would appreciate adult like behavior and let me know what's going on. I received a text within a matter of 3 minutes. Amazing! He lives! So Bob explained in a text no less, that he just can't focus on me and give me all the attention that I needed. He has to focus on these other things going on in his life, but we will definitely stay in touch! How touching of him. He didn't have the balls to make a call and tell me that nor did he have the balls to say it to my face and he certainly didn't have them to be honest about it. I looked between my legs and yep, mine were still bigger and I didn't even have any.
As far as I was concerned, Bob was but a distant memory of what I didn't want in someone. Weeks pass and for whatever reason, I made the mistake of texting him! Why? I have no clue, other than that I am a woman and that seems to be a good enough reason for me. He responded and we begin to communicate again. At 231 AM he called me. Yes at 231 AM! He wanted to talk and he needed to see me. Really? Wow! Ummm....at 231 AM? Yes. Rigggggggght, sure you do. But because I am using the woman excuse I agreed. I did honestly want to know what happened and question why it happened. So, he arrives and we do talk for hours! Seriously, I was amazed and somewhat overwhelmed with what seemed to be honest and heart warming confessions on his part. Shit....I just vomited in my mouth typing that. Ewwww.
Again after this warm conversation, he left and we were again going to make this work. Somehow we would figure this out. See below for a portion of the email that I sent him and you can figure out what happened from there:
"...well, it seems that we are back in the same spot as we were before. When you came over the other night I was foolish enough to believe what you said. But I guess it would be even more foolish to believe in nothing. I am not sure what happened or where it went wrong and honestly it doesn't matter anymore. But it seems all was fine and then as in true form, nothing. No phone calls, no texts, nothing. No hey how's it going, not even a fuck off. At least with that, I would have gotten some response. I would have at least respected you more if you were a little more honest with me and say you weren't interested or even confess to leading me on, that would have been good too. But, hey we all can't have the balls to face it. So with that I do wish you the best and I am sure that you are thinking you really didn't care or want to hear this, but you see Bob, want and need are two very different things and you needed to hear this."
Bottom line, he had to many things to focus on and I wasn't one of them. With that I flipped him off and said "Focus on this." So, ladies and gents if you are reading this, why is it so hard to not lead someone on? If you are not interested, don't behave in a manner indicating so. I am a pretty straight forward person and will go after what I want. Some find it intimidating and others appreciate it. But at least I am honest along the way. I will not give you the attention you seek if you are not willing to reciprocate it.
As with everything, it is an adventure and I embrace it with open arms. Who knows...he is out there and will appreciate what I have to offer, who I am, what I represent and most importantly love that I can be myself and not care what anyone else thinks. I am silly, funny love to laugh and believe that romance really isn't dead. It's just lost right now.
With love and plenty of focus,
Sheri
